a dwarf who wants to go to the bathroom very badly indeed

The bulk of the day should have been spent moving the stars around (I still love saying that), but in fact was dedicated to the database for Phil. Now, with any luck, he can enter his own gig listing, or at least when I write clear instructions on how to do it. And that could take a while…

In the evening I wander up to the Drill Hall to meet up with Jeanette and Tomcat for a taping of Boothby Graffoe. More free entertainment, which is good.

Boothby’s very funny – I’ve not seen him from the front before. Oddly, the show is done with all the stand-up bits (which will be links in the show) in the first half and all the sketches in the second half. This is good, since breaking up stand-up often kills the energy. There are also musical sections with Antonio Forcione, the king of tap-n-twiddly.

Afterwards, we chat in the bar and deconstruct a Danbury Mint catalogue. A bizarre confection of sentimentality with potentially cryptofascist undertones (the bulldog or St George’s flag rings). There’s a statuette of the Late Queen Mother looking more animated than the real one did since the heyday of Max Miller’s career. There’s a statuette of the Pope, whose proportions and facial expression are such that he looks like a dwarf who wants to go to the bathroom very badly indeed. There’s a set of reproductions of james Bond first editions with a note to say that they are 5″ by 7″ (in case anyone thinks that the pictures in the catalogue are actual size), while on the other hand they are a bit coy about the size of a full set of British medal (which turn out to be about the size of a penny each). None of these gems, sadly, are available on the website. My theory is that it’s aimed at retired gangsters and their wives (well, mainly the wives) living in Malden, but that might be uncharitable. It think the people who make this stuff should be forced to live in a living-room full of it for a few months.

The demands of the bar staff become less and less subtle – first they turn on one brighter set of lights,then a set of flourescent lights, then they remove recently vacated tables and stack them up in the corner of the room. Which counts as a hint, which we eventually take.

I walk home through the drunks.